It’s incredible how much more important the whole concept of communication becomes when you’re in a dating relationship. The thing relationships and communication have in common is a requirement that two people be involved. One person says something and the other person listens.
I reread a large part of Joshua Harris’s book “Boy Meets Girl” today (during work — we couldn’t develop film because our machine was broken), and one of the chapters focuses on communication, rather than kissing, being the primary use of lips in a relationship (he’s all into the courtship terminology, but it applies all the same to any sort of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship).
So, the question is, what did I learn? I could recite the five principles he outlined, but I’ll tell you in a different form. This also includes other personal thoughts that may or may not be included or intended in what Harris says in the book.
To communicate affectively, one most realize that communication stems from what’s going on inside the heart. If bitterness and hatred exists within the heart, it’s gonna jump up and make itself known through the things a person says. If selfishness has its ugly grip holding tightly to the heart and sucking the life out of a person, then the person’s gonna have trouble being unselfish in words and actions.
In order to communicate, it’s necessary to listen. You can’t always talk. Note, however, that you cannot always listen. Sometimes talking must occur. Sometimes to let somebody know what’s really going on, you gotta be honest about who you are and tell ‘em what you’re thinking. Even tell them what you’re feeling — as frightening as that may be. It’s easy to be dishonest when you’re not talking about what’s really going on in your life by hiding on the inside. (I’m not saying tell everybody everything ’cause that’d just be stupid — it talks about that in Proverbs somewhere — I’m just saying sometimes people gotta open up and let others know what’s going on!)
Communication isn’t happening if there’s never any conflict. If you’re communicating what’s really going on to another person there’ll be conflict sometimes and it’s okay! You gotta learn from it, work through it, see what’s there, and address the _real_ problems instead of pretending they don’t exist.
Motive matters. Right things, right reasons, that whole concept. If It might be a great technique to speak with the tongues of men and angels, but if it’s being done for the wrong reasons it’ll end up hurting both people more in the long run than stuttering truthfulness.
Luebbe and Cora, this one’s for you! Guard your heart. Hmm… we’ve had this discussion before, I think. You know what I mean. Yeah, you know. You know!
Ok, sorry for the sidetrack. Mostly, I’m just typing this out to let y’all know what’s running around up in my head as I’m still trying to figure out what it’s telling me.