Yes, that’s right, it’s been two hundred days. In celebration, I will drink some cranberry juice. Perhaps some lemonade. Maybe a bit of water.
Ah, I have a better idea. I’ll drink some Seagram’s.
No, I meant the Ginger Ale.
Luebbe got me started on espresso.
I’ve only tried two different kinds so far — Random Coffee Roaster in Lincoln, NE, and Starbucks. My vote goes to Random, but Starbucks isn’t bad. The days I get the double-shot (Doppio Espresso – lame name) on my lunch break, I walk back to the work and sit down with a caffeine buzz ready to pound away at people’s personal problems manifest in the form of their wireless phones.
And the buzz makes it all feel okay.
It’s been 164 days since I’ve had any other kind of buzz. (You can calculate the time between two dates here at timeanddate.com. Or just ask Jake to count it up for you.)
The only green I wore yesterday was my coat. I forgot it was St. Patrick’s Day until I began receiving text messages from friends who love the day.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy St. Patrick’s Day. I had a good one in 2005 with Phil and Varv in Newport Beach, California. Last year I was working.
I worked yesterday, too, but went out with Martin after work to an Irish Pub. I was afraid it would be dangerous to visit a pub, I was afraid my fondness for the Irish flavors of Guinness and Jameson Whiskey would conquer me. And Irish Car Bombs? Yeah, those too.
I had a Coca-Cola, talked with Martin, and watched the strange collision of humans becoming inebriated. One couple sat quietly on a bench in the corner looking displeased to be there, but showing no signs of leaving. A group of four girls bunched together towards a wall shielding themselves from interaction with anyone. A girl bumped into me and apologized while blaming her friend for making her dance their way through the crowd.
The soda was good and it felt good not to go straight home after work. I didn’t talk to anyone other than Martin, but going out of my normal realm helped me to feel more social.
It’s been one month and one day. I haven’t had a drop since.
It’s another one of those nights. I almost wish I had a beer in my hand.
I don’t.
Instead I’m listening to Joseph Arthur’s album “Nuclear Daydream.”
I just finished watching “Saved.” It’s an odd sort of feeling, but I do like the movie in general. It does a good job demonstrating some problems with pop-evangelical-Christianity. But the movie has no solution or realistic conclusion. I think one of the things that weirds me out the most is the main character reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. At least in looks if not in other ways.
I’ve been playing a lot of chess online lately. For some reason, turn-based games have had a grip on me lately. It may have something to do with the game of Risk I played on New Year’s Eve and the fun I had. So now I’m playing chess consistently (if you want to play, let me know), and today I was introduced to the wonders of Civ 4. Now there’s a game with great strategy and designed to look and play well.
Sometimes I wish my life took place in a series of turns. It’d be so much easier to determine where I want to go and what I want to do if I had a week to think between making life-changing decisions. In the real world, though, some decisions take minutes. Some decisions never get made.
Each decision plays a role in the greater whole.
Even though I had a lot of fun hanging out today, playing Civ 4, and passing the time, I still wind up in the same place at the end off the night. I’m in my room hanging out with machines and inanimate objects. I’m in a room where the only being capable of love is myself, and I’m no artisan of love.
These are the moments I am weakest.
Artist: Joseph Arthur
Song: You Are Free
Album: Nuclear Daydream
Lyrics:
Time is moving on
You and me
You and me
Suffering is gone
You are free
You are freeI know I let you down
Those days are over nowI’m no longer who I was
No longer who I thought I was
…