This weekend has been swell. Friday night after Navs I went to Amigo’s to hang out and talk, and after that went to Varv’s apartment, played Rummy, and we talked for quite a while. It was good times to get away from crowds and get some real conversation going. Not that the other conversations I had in the night weren’t real, but there’s some things you can’t talk about in crowds of ten people who don’t know you.

Saturday = ZOO! Omaha’s The Henry Doorly Zoo, to be precise. My favorite animals were the Polar Bears (in Japanese -> shirokuma), sharks, octopii, and penguins. It’s amazing to watch those animals and think how incredible it is to be separated mere inches from them because of modern technology and ultimately the marvels and wonders of God’s creation. I mean, there’d be nothing to put in the zoo if he didn’t make the animals and no way to hold them in if there wasn’t the technology. I think it would be even more incredible to see some of those animals in the wild. They’d be a lot more fearsome, eh?

Another fun aspect was being there with Jake, Amy Hatcher, April S., and Kanako. Kanako knows Jake and Amy and the other Navs who went to Shizuoka, Japan last summer. Anyway, it was good to spend time with some friends in a different environment than usual and enjoyed speaking a bit of Japanese with Kanako, although I know I could learn more of the language if I tried harder.

Saturday night was Brandon’s birthday. Went to that with Jake and knew many other people there, too. For Brandon’s birthday we made him a 25 song CD. It was Jake’s idea and a good one at that. 11 of the songs on the CD were Copa Cabana.

Today I’ve just done usual Sunday fare — church, ate dinner out at a house, napped, and read various items most of the afternoon. I occassionally find myself with a shortage of real bookmarks due to the amount of books I have being consumed or awaiting consumption at any one time. Today I read parts of The Bible, Wild at Heart, Spiritual Disciplines, The Passion of Christ, and Eyes of Heisenberg (odd sci-fi novel by Frank Herbert — not that good).

This week will be tough for school. I’ve got two midterms on Tuesday, each of which I’m inadequately prepared for. I will study much tomorrow and hope it to be enough. Thursday I have a paper due. But, joy of joys, FREEDOM of sorts comes Friday with the end of the school week and beginning of a Spring Break to be filled with its own busyness and not less requirements than usual, but different. (i.e. I must finally finish my English class. Must.)

Oh, and Phil’s site moved: http://philabowl.f2o.org/ http://thebolls.com/

Categories: Books, Life, Religious
Tags: Amigos, Amy, college, Jake, omaha, Phil, Runny, scifi

The search for masculinity

“But the deadliest place a man ever takes his search, the place every man seems to wind up no matter what trail he’s followed, is the woman.” - John Eldredge, Wild at Heart - Chapter 5

Woah. Been there.

“Why is pornography the most addictive thing in the universe for men?… the deeper reason is because that seductive beauty reaches down inside and touches your desperate hunger for validation as a man you didn’t even know you had, touches it like nothing else most men have experienced. . . . You see, every man remembers Eve. We are haunted by her. And somehow we believe that if we could find her, get her back, then we’d also recovber with her our own lost masculinity.”

Yeah, that’s true. Unfortunately, this lie is easy to believe. What man hasn’t sought some woman (real or fictional) for a sense of masculinity at some point in his life?

“A woman is a captivating thing. More captivating than anything else in all creation. … Femininity can arouse masculinity. … But femininity can never bestow masculinity.”

Once again, true.

“When a man takes his question to the woman what happens is either addiction or emasculation. Usually both.”

Strong words here. The book’s got a lot of examples of this happening. Men who so desperately want to feel like men that they end up going to a woman to prove it. Once he’s given her the ability to make him feel like a man, she can also take away his feeling of masculinity. I remember Mike Jordahl at a meeting I was at using his pointer fingers to illistrate this point. The “man” said to the woman “make me feel like I’m the man.” The woman said “make me feel like a woman, baby.” This doesn’t work for either the man or the woman. They end up leaning heavily on each other.

At some point, people realize that they can’t run to another man or woman for validation.

I’m learning how to not run to women in any sense for validation of my masculinity. It’s an incredibly difficult thing. I’ve been looking to women for this for the last decade. With a woman or at least the prospect of it in my life, I feel like I’ve got a chance to “be a man.” If I could just get that first, second, and fifteenth date, I’d be a man. I’ve had a first-date, but never anything beyond that. I’ve had the conversations “hey, you wanna be my girl?” but nothing beyond that. And I have STRONG SUSPICIONS that if I ever went beyond here in a dating relationship, I’d still feel just as empty in terms of “being a man.” Why? Because getting dates, dating a woman, or even getting married to one won’t make me more of a man.

This chapter concludes without having yet provided an answer, but I’m pretty sure he’s gonna end up pointing to God, not listening to lies about ourselves, and not seeking validation of our masculinity from a woman.

Adoption by God

Children of the Living God - Sinclair B. Ferguson
“There are, then, two dimensions to our sonship. The first is re-creation (or regeneration); the second is adoption, God’s acceptance of us into his family. . . . The source of adoption is to be found in God. Just as we were born again of his will (Jas. 1:18), so we are adopted because of his love.”

He later discusses the prodigal son and also the attitude of the prodigal brother in the story. He contrasts the prodigal brother’s attitude to a statement in 1 John.

“Contrast, then, these two attitudes:

(1) ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders’ (Lk. 15:29); or,
(2) Look! ‘How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!’ (1 Jn. 3:1).

Which of them is more appropriate to your spiritual condition?”

“Our status is not a matter of our worthiness, but of his love!”

There are three vital implications of our adoption as children of God.
“First, adoption is not a change in nature, but a change in status. . . . Secondly, adoption into a new family produces conflict within the old family [i.e. Satan causing trouble]. . . . A third implication of the New Testament’s teaching is that adoption is incomplete in this world.”

“For the moment, then, let us trust in the wisdom of our Father in heaven who knows and supplies all we shall ever need in this world and the world to come.”

Philippians 4:19 - “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

How little I understand this! I live with so much sin even though I’ve been adopted as a son of God! My only hope that this will change cannot be in myself for I know that I cannot produce such change in my life apart from the grace of God.

Categories: Books, Religious
Tags: Bible, John Eldredge, porn

The Dane has a question: Does God truly intends the father to rule over his daughter until she marries? He continues, “I’ve heard many people speak of this as if it were biblical and I want proof! Or at least evidence. I’m tired of Christians taking a presupposed ideology and forcing it as an interpretive framework upon Scripture.”

One of what I thought were his most interesting thoughts and something I agree with is the following:

bq. “Honour your father and mother” - honouring one’s parents and obey them are not the same thing. One can honour without obeying. I honour my parents by cherishing their advice, thoughts, and consel. I honour them by patiently and conscientiously considering what they have to say. I honour them though I may in the end decide to follow a path other than that which they would prescribe.

I’m sure he’d appreciate any thoughts you have on the matter.

Categories: Religious

Bounce.

So today’s been one of the better Sunday’s I’ve had thus far this semester. Church was fine. The sermon today was on David. We’re doing a sermon serious on him. Today we looked at 1 Samuel 21 and Psalm 34. One of the interesting things to see was that Psalm 34 was written about the time when David was experiencing the things talked about in 1 Sam. 21. Unfortunately, I oft found myself distracted this morning and failed to catch some of the sermons main points.

One of the things I did catch was the occurance of the word righteous in the psalm. Verse 15: “The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.” My pastor made the point that it’s the righteous people in this passage that God is listening to and rescuing. And the only way we’re righteous is through Christ’s blood.

This evening after church, nap, phone call from mom, talking briefly with Cora, and dinner (yes, that’s all I did till 5PM), I got to spend some time hanging out with God. A couple of books I’m reading right now and enjoying are “Children of the Living God” by Sinclair B. Ferguson and “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge.

*Highlights from “Children of the Living God” Chapter 2*
• talking about John 1:12-13- “Moreover we can become his children only by the decision of God’s will. The new birth of which John speaks here and elsewhere is not ours by nature, nor is it within our natural powers to accomplish! Not only is this devasating to human pride, but it also underlines the spiritual peril of our natural condition.”
• in the conclusion of the chapter, he’s discussing regeneration and new birth in Christ - “God alone is able to bring us to new birth, through the Spirit. He does so through the power of Christ’s resurrection from the dead (1 Peter 1:3). … Jesus Christ speaks into the death or our hearts, calls us by name, and we respond (Jn. 5:25; 10:3). As at the first creation, so in the new creation God breathes on us with his Spirit, and we are brought into new life. Regeneration is a sovereign act of God.”

Tasty Morsels of Goodness from “Wild at Heart” Chapter 3
• “For after years of living in a cage, a lion no longer even believes it is a lion . . . and a man no longer believes he is a man.”
• “Most of what you encounter when you meet a man is a facade, an elaborate fig leaf, a brilliant disguise.” In this section of the chapter, he’s discussing how like Adam hid when he saw his own nakedness, men are hiding as well. “We are hiding, every last one of us. Well aware that we, too, are not what we were meant to be, desperately afraid of exposure, terrified of being seen for what we are and are not, we have run off into the bushes. We hide in our office, at the gym, behind the newspaper and mostly behind our personality.” I don’t know about the other men out there reading this (or the women that have evidenced our behaviour), but I totally feel like this.

In recent weeks especially I’ve been afraid of my future, felt lonely and incapable of accomplishing the things set before me. It’s so not true though! Lies — all of it, lies. Instead of facing reality in light of my relationship with God as his son, I spent many hours of many days hiding in fear. I mean this literally as much as emotionally and spiritually to an extent. Lonely hours watching episodes of Scrubs _en masse_ on my computer. Staying up late into the night listening to music, scrounging the web for new music. These things are a huge part of why my computer is now packed up and sitting in my closet. (Yes, I’m down in the lab typing this up.)

So what’s changed in my life between now and a week ago? As far as my standing with God, nothing has changed. I am no less and no more his son this week than I was last week, but I’m trying to remember my true identity (son of God, not son of Sin or son of Death) and live out of it instead of living out of fear.

Categories: Life, Religious
Tags: church, John Eldredge, Psalms

Candice Z. Watters says Thinking About Marriage is often criticized as being unhealthy and even wrong in Christians lives. Candice, however, argues that marriage is a good thing and it’s okay to think and be intentional about marriage if it’s not an obsession. In response to arguments about it interfering with a relationship with God, she states “Christian marriage doesn’t usurp our union with Christ, it enhances it.” She obviously doesn’t answer every question about how to approach marriage (such as how to know God’s will about it), but she does cover enough to make it worth the time spent reading.

Check out the article. She has other Beyond Buddies articles that I’ve enjoyed reading as well.

Categories: Religious