If that doesn’t help, quit.

If that doesn’t help, the problem is you.

Blindside - All of Us Lyrics:

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it’s a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it’s the same old word giving me the spark.

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it’s a shame how I curl up in the dark.

(view full lyrics)

Lyrics:
When there is no one left to see
You feel alone but you’ll never be
You cry a bit and you wonder who
Dries your tears, well he’s right next to you

You’ve fallen one too many times
To get up by yourself
You’ve fallen one too many times
I am here to help

Now you’re walking forward
With your head held high
You’re no longer lonely
And you smile towards the sky

When there is no one next to you
You feel the strength to stand up on the two
Of your feet
And you smile, amidst the pain
Amidst the pain

You’ve fallen one too many times
To get up by yourself
You’ve fallen one too many times
I am here to help

Now you’re walking forward
With your head held high
You’re no longer lonely
And you smile towards the sky

And you walk a mile
On your own
And you walk a mile
On your own

Ground is beneath you
And the sky is above you
World is above you
And what you need is deep inside of you

You’ve fallen one too many times
To get up by yourself
You’ve fallen one too many times
I am here to help
I am here to help
I am here to help

Now you’re walking forward
With your head held high
You’re no longer lonely
And you smile towards the sky

And you walk a mile
On your own
And you walk a mile
On your own

Lyrics: (Source)
History’s made its mark in anger.
As everybody knows, it’s what we do,
It’s nothing new.

The next chords struck are fault and failure
And we both know that finger points on cue,
There’s blame for two.

Do you really want him calling, Newo?
Do you really think he’s coming back to you?
Oh, once the world stops spinning, read that writing on the wall.

Is there another, Newo?
Is there cushion just enough to break the fall.
Oh, don’t you cry.
Just lie there baby in the past, ‘cause if you want it all

Right now, hide your feathers on the back porch, baby.
He’s coming home for… you’ve… been… such… a liar.
Hide your feathers, little back porch lady.
You’re too old enough to cry your sorry eyes out over the world.

Hear me scream outside your window.
I’m only here to make my peace with you.
There’s something new.

Oh, it was our time, that day in our lives.
If I could do things different what would I choose?
Oh, don’t you cry, Mama.
Please, don’t cry Mama.
Oh, don’t you cry, no, no.

Right now, hide your feathers, on the back porch, baby.
He’s coming home for… you’ve… been… such… a liar.
Hide your feathers, little back porch lady.
You’re too old enough to cry your sorry eyes out…

No other, could wait for a lover,
To embrace, boy.
When there’s no more room for love,
You’ll sell her off to the sharks.
[x2]

Right now, hide your feathers on the back porch, baby.
He’s coming home for… you’ve… been… such… a liar.
Right now, hide your feathers on the back porch, baby.
He’s coming home for… you’ve… been… such… a liar.
(Over the world)

Hide your feathers, little back porch lady.
You’re too old enough to cry your sorry eyes out…

Wait a minute, little back porch lady.
Wait a minute, little back porch lady.
I’m in love.

Wait a minute, little back porch lady. (Such a liar.)
Oh, don’t you cry, Mama.
Oh, don’t you cry, no, no.
Wait a minute, little back porch lady.
Wait a minute, little back porch lady.
I’m in love.

Wait a minute, little back porch lady. (Such a liar.)
Oh, don’t you cry, Mama.
Oh, don’t you cry, no, no.

You always stole all my last words.
Here’s no exception then, one more for me to send.
And nothing happens in the end.
I’m thinking of you less, more concerned…
and more is less, I guess it doesn’t matter now.

Maybe we’ll never go insane.
You always said we would,
sometimes I wished we could with
you lying naked in the rain
and singing Boney M, cutting down all our old friends.
I talk to them again now.

So here’s the last one I have left.
We fell a little deep, I watched you fall asleep.
And nothing happens in the end,
but I remember when I could remember when.
Seems like a long time ago.

Lyrics:
Who’s to say the way I am
is not to blame on hating love.
Let’s be tragic, let’s be sad.
These eyes can’t seem to see the way I am.

All for love. You wait way too long.
All for love.

Cry and sob while you wait for him.
This kind of love won’t last it never did.
What if this had never happened?
What if we had never seen the light of day?
What if this had never happened?
What if we had never met at all?

All for love. You wait way too long.
All for love.

What if…
this had never happened?
We had never seen the light of day?
This had never happened?
We had never met at all?

Motion City Soundtrack - L.G. FUAD:

…
I wanna know what it’s like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves
I’m addicted to words and they’re useless
…

Sometimes I still want to go out and get slammed. Stephen King describes his alcoholism well in his book “On Writing.”

I had forgotten the trick of being straight–and out of shame.

Hemingway and Fitzgerald didn’t drink because they were creative, alienated, or morally weak. They drank because it’s what alkies are wired up to do. Creative people probably do run a greater risk of alcoholism and addiction than those in some other jobs, but so what? We all look pretty much the same when we’re puking in the gutter.

He writes of a friend:

“How much do you drink?” the counselor asked.
My friend looked at the counselor with disbelief. “All of it,” he said, as if that should have been self evident.

I can relate. As so kindly pointed out by generations of alcoholics and their kin, alcoholism doesn’t end when you put the bottle down. Now I’ve got to learn to put down the pizza, the television, the HIMYM and Scrubs, the music, the movies, the books, the news.

Heck, while I’m at it maybe I ought to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow him.

Lyrics (from SongMeanings)

So today I wrote a song for you
Cause a day can get so long
And I know its hard to make it through
When you say there’s something wrong

So I’m trying to put it right
Cause I want to love you with my heart
All this trying has made me tight
And I don’t know even where to start

Maybe that’s a start

Cause you know its a simple game
That you play filling up your head with rain
And you know you are hiding from your pain
In the way, in the way you say your name

And I see you
Hiding your face in your hands
Flying so you won’t land
You think no one understands
No one understands

So you hunch your shoulders and you shake your head
And your throat is aching but you swear
No one hurts you, nothing could be sad
Anyway you’re not here enough to care

And you’re so tired you don’t sleep at night
As your heart is trying to mend
You keep it quiet but you think you might
Disappear before the end

And it’s strange that you cannot find
Any strength to even try
To find a voice to speak your mind
When you do, all you wanna do is cry

Well maybe you should cry

And I see you hiding your face in your hands
Talking bout far-away lands
You think no one understands
Listen to my hands

And all of this life
Moves around you
For all that you claim
You’re standing still
You are moving too
You are moving too
You are moving too
I will move you

Lyrics:
we’re here where the daylight begins
the fog on the streetlight slowly thins
water on water’s the way
the safety of shoreline fading away

sail your sea
meet your storm
all I want is to be your harbor
the light in me
will guide you home
all I want is to be your harbor

fear is the brightest of signs
the shape of the boundary you leave behind
so sing all your questions to sleep
the answers are out there in the drowning deep

you’ve got a journey to make
there’s your horizon to chase
so go far beyond where we stand
no matter the distance
I’m holding your hand

I don’t.

Instead I’m listening to Joseph Arthur’s album “Nuclear Daydream.”

I just finished watching “Saved.” It’s an odd sort of feeling, but I do like the movie in general. It does a good job demonstrating some problems with pop-evangelical-Christianity. But the movie has no solution or realistic conclusion. I think one of the things that weirds me out the most is the main character reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. At least in looks if not in other ways.

I’ve been playing a lot of chess online lately. For some reason, turn-based games have had a grip on me lately. It may have something to do with the game of Risk I played on New Year’s Eve and the fun I had. So now I’m playing chess consistently (if you want to play, let me know), and today I was introduced to the wonders of Civ 4. Now there’s a game with great strategy and designed to look and play well.

Sometimes I wish my life took place in a series of turns. It’d be so much easier to determine where I want to go and what I want to do if I had a week to think between making life-changing decisions. In the real world, though, some decisions take minutes. Some decisions never get made.

Each decision plays a role in the greater whole.

Even though I had a lot of fun hanging out today, playing Civ 4, and passing the time, I still wind up in the same place at the end off the night. I’m in my room hanging out with machines and inanimate objects. I’m in a room where the only being capable of love is myself, and I’m no artisan of love.

These are the moments I am weakest.

Artist: Joseph Arthur
Song: You Are Free
Album: Nuclear Daydream

Lyrics:

Time is moving on
You and me
You and me
Suffering is gone
You are free
You are free

I know I let you down
Those days are over now

I’m no longer who I was
No longer who I thought I was
…