I had a scary moment last night. While driving home from work shortly after midnight, I stopped at a stoplight. It turned green so I proceeded to turn left. An SUV drove right in front of me heading the direction I came from at 40 to 50 mph while I was turning. Being the person I am, I honked and swore vociferously. I realized later that I’d come within five seconds of dying. If I’d been in the intersection when the SUV drove through (potentially DUI), it would have hurt or killed me. Not to mention my car. I don’t know how the world would get by without a red VW Beetle.
The other thing that bothers me about this whole incident is something I can’t remember. I can’t remember if the turn arrow was green. If it was green, then I can blame the other guy for almost whatever. If it was red, then I’m a damn idiot and almost died due to stupidity.
Either way, I’m not happy with it. Not at all.
The strength of my convictions, a la my recent post about Christian living, has been tested. I’ve fallen short. This shouldn’t be surprising. As Jesse pointed out in a recent email and has been doing more-or-less for the entirety of the time I’ve known him, that is the truth of the human condition. People fail.
Thus the necessity of grace, correct? Because nobody, even myself, can ever be perfect or all-loving or all-friendly or all-perfect or all-Mr.-Nice-Guy, we need grace. We need a God who can look at us and say, “You’re not perfect. I don’t expect you to be perfect. Jesus… he died so you didn’t have to be.”
I’m going to go live an imperfect life. I will live it today, tomorrow, and for every moment my body has breath. And looking at my death now, I can have confidence because I know perfection isn’t required of me. Pray for me in the moments I forget this.
I believe something is trying to grasp me — some truth I’ve been overlooking or ignoring for quite a while now. What truth, what belief, what thought has been reaching towards me, wrapping its long tendrils around my legs and reaching upward towards my heart?
Lately, I’ve felt like following God will lead to nothing but frustration and death if merely an obligation and a duty. I’ve also began to feel that Christianity has some serious problems. But before I get more into this, I’ll delve back into the pool and show you where the stream began.
I believe something is trying to grasp me — some truth I’ve been overlooking or ignoring for quite a while now. I want to write about it and say the things I’m thinking, but alas I have no time for it now. I thought I’d mention it though. This will be updated.
Well, I’ve returned from the aforementioned backpacking trip. I’ve included some pictures below that I’ve posted on flickr. I had fun for the most part and I’ve definitely discovered how much new equipment I’ll have to buy if I end up making this a habbit. For example, I’ll need a new tent (see the picture), my own stove, a bigger backpack, etc.
The best part about taking this trip was the lack of noise. It’s noisy with the wind and the river rushing through the canyon, but there’s no cars, no trains, no music, no TV, no radio, no Starbucks, no neighbors, no mothers (unless you take yours with you), no nothing but nature and hikers. I loved it.
The things I thought about with the silence surprised me. Recent emotional scarring I’ve chosen to ignore began running through my thoughts again. Work, unfortunately, cropped up in my difficult attempts to sleep on the hard ground. Harry Potter, with my recent obsession, crept into my thoughts quite a bit. Mostly I’m just disappointed I don’t have another book to read or movie to watch as I’ve read/seen them all in the last month. Thoughts of the future came to the front quite a bit as well. What’s next, eh? What’s next?
I don’t know what’s next. And I’m okay with it. Mostly. I read an article entitled “Is grad school right for you?” yesterday. Basically, it pointed out that grad school is a bad idea if just being done to delay the inevitable entrance into real life or if it won’t help get a better job in a specific field anyway. While I already know this, it’s still something I need to investigate a little better. I also need to check into other schools that offer master’s degrees in linguistics, japanese, or east asian language/culture. I’ve got one on my list, but it’s probably a good idea to find out which schools are the most well respected.
In any case, I could still end up in a few different directions, but the choices have definitely narrowed since graduating. I’m okay with that. But which path to choose?