Posted by
Erundur Anwamehtar on December 16th, 2003, at 11:54am
Title: Turned Grey
Poet: Erundur Anwamehtar
Date Written: 12/14/2003
my thoughts turned grey today
today, when the sky grew cloudy
people think they know
they know it’s girls that bother me
“you can’t stop thinking about them”
but the people don’t know
they don’t know what’s bothering me
what’s bothering me isn’t so simple
it’s not girls, it’s not so simple to understand
when they ask, I don’t want to tell them
to tell them what it is
I want to tell them nothing or
“what’s bothering me isn’t so simple”
but it’s not so complex
it’s a lie
a lie is bothering me
it�s bothering me because I believe it
and it kills me slowly
slowly, I can’t leave its grasp
it’s grasping me
at some point I open my eyes
open and realize
it’s not grasping me
but I’m still here
I’m here in the lie by choice
by choice I haven’t left
why haven’t I left?
I want to leave, but I love the lie
I love the lie, but I don’t want to die
die slowly, the chains around my neck
chains held by my own hands
I look at my hands
my hands are cut and bleeding
indecision bleeds them as they struggle
they struggle to be free
the chain they grasp
and it grasps me.
And all I want is to be free.
Categories: Poetry