Comments on: Girl at the Moon (on Oct. 21, 2002)

By: Erundur Anwamehtar

Erundur Anwamehtar — Thu, 03 Jul 2003 11:13:12 +0000

Cora, part of my intent with this story was to utilize my writing skills and to create a detailed setting through words that provoke images. I wanted to provide a snapshot of an occurance in my life. It’s always been easier for me to write from personal experience than to contrive a story.

At the time, I’d considered writing other stories to provide a series of snapshots. I haven’t done this. I’ve got various reasons: it’s hard to decide which moments to write about, which characters to stress, etc. As far as my thoughts go, I know I didn’t reveal all that was going on in my head at the time. It’s hard to do, and sometimes best not to do. And sometimes aspects of it are best left to be hinted at and fleshed out in the subtleties.

I like hints. I especially like it when people notice then. You already knew that.

By: Cora

Cora — Wed, 02 Jul 2003 17:08:36 +0000

Okay, I know it seems ridiculous to comment on this 9 months after-the-fact, but I can’t resist. Cal, you’re good at detail. You’re good at picking up on the small thins and adding them to the story, which makes it more interesting. Your style is cool. But I don’t see a point, a focus, a reason. Why are you writing this? What is it that you want us to understand that we didn’t before? You paint a scene, but then don’t go anywhere with it. Take me on a journey through your thoughts. Ultimately, I should feel satisfied. The current ending leaves me thinking, “And then…. What?” Is that really all? I don’t think so. I know you well enough to know that there’s more to what you’re feeling than what you’ve put down. Every detail that you include should have a purpose for being there. It should support the “bottom line” that you’re trying to convey. If it doesn’t, then take it out. I know that you really enjoy writing, and I encourage you to keep writing, keep improving, and to keep sharing your writings with others. I want to read this again once you’ve gone back over it. It has a lot of potential, and so do you!

By: Lori F.

Lori F. — Sat, 26 Oct 2002 10:38:07 +0000

“Did you heart that Jamie…..” should be “hear”.
“till” should probably by “until”
“ziplock” bags are actually “ziploc”
I agree with the other comment. It does have a comfortable feel to it. Continue developing the story line.

By: Rachael A.

Rachael A. — Sat, 26 Oct 2002 10:15:52 +0000

Cal~
Technical comments first:
In the first line the word appearing should be appears to keep with the verb tense you started out with.

And now the rest of my thoughts:
I like this story. I think because it contains such familiar elements. It has a comfortable, easy feel to it. It’s almost like talking to you, only a bit more involved than that because it contains some of your thoughts as well. are you going to continue revising it? hope you do.
Rachael